Today I told two of my friends about Mr Wow. ?I told my mother when she returned from her overseas trip about how Mr Wow and I had made sure that external obstacles weren't an issue and that he had said I could call him my boyfriend. I spoke to Mr Big and told him about the thing that the world might think is an obstacle but how we had such an amazing bond that no obstacle could stand between. I waited ... I waited until we had both decided this what we wanted. I waited ... I waited until we both decided to tell the world. I waited ... and we had made plans to do couple things. Some he organised and others I organised, but before I did anything ... I waited until I knew he was sure. Then I waited until I was sure that he was sure.
He was sure ... until he told his friend!
Mr Wow is 12 years younger than me. I freaked out about it first and he was so chilled with it. He convinced me that age was just a number and that the chemistry was strong and very real.
We promised not to make the age and issue and so I never blogged about it. I only told my closest of close and we left it behind. We giggled about it a few times ... but that was only between stolen kisses, a whole lot of passion and a very strong bond that surpassed any obstacle.
He'll admit it too ...
Today I was the most settled about 'us' ... he was my Mr Wow and my boyfriend. I received my beautiful sms this morning that said he was thinking of me and he sent me kisses.
While I told my friends ... he told his.
Granted ... his friends are younger and mine are older, but life is not about your friends. Life is not about your family ... life is about you. Life is only about what you want. Life isn't about what anyone else on the planet thinks. God, I know that's hard, but why do I believe that? Why do I know that?
I can't even say that I got that from age because I know of people way older than Mr Wow who are just as influenced by what other people say and think and by the perceived outcome.
We are that connected that I could hear it in his voice. He kept on saying something like 'for right now' or 'for the moment' ... I knew something was up with that. Luckily one thing we have had in the short lived romance is open communication. It's one of the reasons why I knew that the age didn't matter at all.
We went from nothing can stand in our way to he doesn't think he can cope with what people say about the age gap. His mind was filled with doubt and he knew that it would be short lived because of ... of course ... the age.
I'm trying not to by?cynical,?but I'm a whole lot of emotions right now, so I'm going to let the?cynicism?flow! ?Apparently I'm amazing and special and beautiful. But I'm 37. There's a chemistry and he loves being with me ... but guess what ... I'm 37. Who ever gets me is so lucky, but it can't be him for only one reason ... He's 24! He didn't say so ... I didn't say so ... his friends did and the rest of the world would.
How do you rationalise with someone when its their truth against the world?
I've only cried for one reason tonight ... I've cried because the one thing that I try teach the world is the one thing that the person I care about does not the capacity to do. LIVE YOUR TRUTH.
He couldn't answer the 'obstacles aside' question because he can't see past the obstacles. He's so concerned about what people will say and what the perceived future is that he can't even see his truth. I couldn't even get from him the extent to which his friends had freaked out for their own reasons. I couldn't get him to see how different his ... I tried, trust me. Sadly, reality changes ... so what his reality was at about 10am today is worlds apart from what his reality at 6pm!
I started to try to get him to see the power of truth and express his truth ... I tried with all my heart and with my ability as the brilliant teacher that I know I am and the person who I know I could have the ability to love. But then I heard it ... something that has nothing to do with age whatsoever ... I heard the fear! At that moment I stopped trying to show him the power of his own truth and I just accepted ...
Today it's about age ... tomorrow it might be about religion or race or whatever else everyone labels as wrong, irrational or illogical. Today it was someone walking away from me for those reason ... and so will it be tomorrow or the next day, but it won't be because of me! I know the power of what people think because people think in my face everyday ... I just live my truth any! So ... I'll cry tonight, but at least I'm living my truth!