I've never contemplated over a blog post like I have since yesterday but thanks to the support around me I am reminded that I committed to share my #projectme story and that I haven't hurt anyone in the process of telling my truth before. I've also realised that life isn't about the feel good stories all of the time and that there's so much to learn from heartache if we allow ourselves to.
It's on that note that I sip on my tea, snuggle into the safety of my couch and tell you that sadly Pat and I ended our relationship yesterday. I have been blown a way by how blown away everyone has been around me and then I started to realise that as we noticed that we had?unresolvable?needs in our lives, that I started to blog less and less.
That really is the whole story ... that we both wanted different things, saw the world far too differently and understood love differently. I'm a firm believer that if you are too afraid to tell the truth or make the life changing move, that circumstances do it for us and yesterday was that day.
I love Pat ... and I will always have a special place in my heart for him, but #projectme is my journey and what you want to know and what I want to share is how I am doing.
Empathy ... it's the greatest gift I ever, ever gave myself. It's made it so easy for me to stay calm and have no reason to regret a moment that we've shared. It's also made the ending perfectly okay, even though I feel like throwing up most of the day and had to crawl into my mom's bed at 4:30am. It's made me understand that everyone just does the best they can with what life has thrown them and that wounds are deeper than any of us can realise. Because of this I know that we never intentionally hurt each other, no matter how crazy it got.
I feel so blessed to have felt such a special love, but I've also learned that everyone loves differently and sometimes our ways of feeling & expressing love are like mixing oil and water. It's still worth hanging onto your believe of love and knowing what love means to you, even if there's heartbreak along the way.
It's ouch and I think the tears are going to be around for a while but I have something that I'm most proud of ... I haven't found comfort in food. Something has truly shifted along my journey with my body and in the past I would have binged and sought comfort in pigging out, but the thought hasn't even entered my mind. It's been in the sitting down and eating as if all were emotionally stable that I can see how very much I grew in a relationship that will remain dear to me always.
Okay ... crying again so I have to dash, but I thank each of you for your love and support.
Pat, if you are reading this, thank you for trying to understand why I blog & why I needed to do this post when both of our hearts are so tender and it should be so private. You were so brave to step out into the world with me!!