The story of who I am - project me day 506

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you
I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do
I was made for you
You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what
I've been through like you do
And I was made for you...
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

Sometimes I get a song in my head and I can't let it go until I figure out why it's there. You'll be thrilled to know that I do listen to music other than Country. I usually stumble upon the song in some unusual way, like this one. The first time I heard it I was watching the Grey's Anatomy episode that everyone was bitching about. I did plan to do a blog on how I couldn't believe that people didn't see the?symbolism?and think it was one of the best episodes ever. Okay, the singing wasn't always great, but holy macaroni, they did choose the songs damn well. This one in particular ...

Then my remote control for the?satellite?broke and I was no longer able to fast forward past crappy ads. Of course, I believe that everything happens for a reason (even if the reason is only to make you stop and realise that things happen for a reason, but that's the only reason). Then there was this ad which used the same song and I felt haunted by it!

It's timing is amazing!
I'm feeling lonely again. It happens in spurts and it's one of those times again. I've had the usual situation where I was flirting with someone and he was being very forward, excited to meet me ... blah, blah and straight after meeting he was offish (that's code for damn fucking rude). I keep getting back to being mean to myself and blaming the fact that I'm not a size 2 ... but then I get over it quick enough (for half a minute) and it goes back to thinking that changing things about me will bring someone into my life.

The 'sense of humour' part of 'project me' is the fine line between laughing at life and laughing AT life. Yes, that's how fine the line is. At the moment it is a big laugh that I keep saying I'm turning 40 but it's really 3 years away. Sometimes the laugh is to prevent me from putting blindfolds on and walking down the street to put me out of my?misery at the loneliness I can feel at times.
On the other hand, I have a dear friend who would give anything to be more than just friends and I just don't feel the chemistry! So, I don't even have a leg to stand on when I think no man on the planet would like me, because here is this sweet, kind, gentle, loving, incredible, friendly, honest man who is standing right in front of me and ... chemistry sucks!

Months a go I promised to write a blog about chemistry for Organic O, but seriously, I still don't know how to put it into words. I don't know to explain it because I think it's quite?inexplainable.

So, today was supposed to be the end of the world is some way or form and it's not over yet, but I'm taking my chances that I will wake up on the 22nd. I did have a slight pang on concern that people's worlds as they know it would change and that's why I wasn't surprised to get the call from my sister. She woke up and my brother in law's side of his face looked as though he had a stroke. Off it was to the hospital and a day of taking care of my nephews ... guess how I coped? Anyone ... no? ... Okay, I'll tell you! I ate! You know the story! I know the story, but the story has to change.

On the night of #D500 I announced that I would begin 'project body' and I haven't really done much about it besides asking my sponsor for the blog, Niel of SlimLab, to help me with an eating plan. It's not a diet (he hate those). It's an understanding of what a decent portion size is and what makes up a healthy meal ... my brain and my body can't figure that out on it's own.
Then I decided to make this end of the world thing count for something and I've decided that I do have the ability to do things differently ... so I will begin to tell the story of emotional eating, hating gym and then kicking myself for it therefore causing more emotional stress and eating something else. Climb on the?hamster wheel with me, why don't you!

To end the day ... I'm making dinner with the friend who I am blessed to have but can only offer so much of myself. My brother-in-law has balspalsy ... and I'm planning on listening to the same song for the 100th time today!