My offline persona has to get it off my chest and then I feel much better. There's no part of me that ever leaves stuff unsaid unless I know it's pointless and it's not going to gnaw away at my soul.
I get the feeling that my blog has been more of a dark comedy at the moment and I don't hear the audience laughing. On the contrary, I even got asked if I should carry on blogging today. I know what the problem is. It's because there is stuff that I haven't said and my online persona is carrying so much around that I would never keep bottled up.
Is everyone asking, "what happened to that bubbly girl?"
Well I've been asking it and I need to do a little online test that works in my offline world. I need to throw it out their for my loving and totally non judemental readers to absorb so I lighten the load and live in the truth of 'project me'.
Firstly, I'm exhausted. Thank heavens Tweeting is working because I don't feel so guilty when I lie in bed and only get up after 9am because I just can't! I just don't have an ounce of energy in the mornings and I know it's because the snowball effect now has me desperate for a moment away from laptops, Tweets and the goings on of ... oh right, that's the stuff I need to tell you.
So I promised my family that I wouldn't drag our lives into this blog, but that's why I've been sulky Susan for days and I'm sure they will understand that I'm about to half keep my promise.
My dad is gone nearly 3 years and we are still sitting in the midst of winding down his estate. It's a mess! Seriously, a mess! It involves property and confusion with the will. And it's been hovering for ever so long. Sometimes it's gonna be settled next week and then it's too dramatic to sort out and could take years. Sometimes we are getting?inheritance and other times it's too confusing to see if we are getting a cent.
Everyone asks me how I make a living out of blogging and social influencing and fact is that I don't! I knew it would be tough but when I made that decision (and this is a big honest step for me) I was getting a large sum of inheritance. There we go ... truth is all out there! After I made all my crazy choices and took the plunge I discovered that it wouldn't be as simple as that and I've just had to make it work. Only now am I starting to see the glimmers of turning all my hard work and passion for social media into a career, but it's come with a financial strain that just wasn't supposed to be according to the words of my dad when he thought his estate was in order.
A part of me always says that inheritance is a gift but another part of me is so mad that he promised and I made choices and ... well, 'project me' needs some serious me time if you can tell. I need to just step back and count all my blessing, be as pissed off as I need to be at the same time and get ready for a new year in my life.
The 24th of September is my birthday and when our year changes so do our lives because of the change in numerology moving into the 2011th year. This year is huge for me because I'm moving from a 9 into a new cycle of the 1. The 9 year is a very internal, personal and spiritually changing one so that we are ready to take a new step into a cycle that last 9 years. Wow, hasn't it been such a ride and I'm not surprised that inheritance and all the family woes that come with it would be the way I end my cycle.
I've wished and wished to just get away and have a moment where I can focus, breathe and escape the churning of the wheels that slowly bringing the will to a settled agreement.
I'm kinda getting the hang of making a wish, leaving it up to the Universe (knowing I'm my own Universe) and watching many beautiful things manifest. That's why I shed a tear of absolute relief when I was given a night away for my birthday. Through the power of #FollowSA and a Twitter hotelier Darryl Erasmus, who worked his magic, I was contacted by Lisa Harvey of the Mount Grace Country House and Spa with a birthday surprise. If you are in SA you know exactly who the Mount Grace is and if you are anywhere else in the world ... well it's one of our most?renowned country house and spas ... and I've never been. You could ask me if I wanted anything for my birthday all I would say is one night away with Mr Unexpected. Just one night ... just a moment away from it all ... just a breath of different air and the surroundings that call for my mind to stop churning, my body to unwind and my heart to live totally in the moment!
Wow, I feel lighter already! Thank you for always listening and for making it so easy to speak my truth!
They say you won't be given anything you can't handle...sometimes I wonder if whoever is handing the stuff out has an odd sense of humor ;).
Girl you've been rocking and rolling these past few months like nothing I've ever seen. You need a break to keep your steam up and your sanity intacked! I'm so happy you get to go away with Mr. Unexpected to a spa for your birthday (so jealous BTW). Did that just fall into your lap at the perfect time or what? Go, have fun, and forget all these financial worries and any others you may have for a while. Just let it go, it doesn't exist all night long!!! Everything will be here waiting for you when you get back, and you'll be able to handle everthing easier after such a fabulous break. <3
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And I have to thank you so much for the patience my friend! We used to chat all the time and now times seems to be rushing away with me. Your emails mean so much and I thank you for being such an unconditional friend! Thanks for always posting the most inspiring comments!