There's a first time for everything - project me day 609

4 September 2011
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I already woke up not feel that great this morning. This sinking feeling that Greggie leaves for overseas in a week and I have a month alone in the business. It seems very?codependent, but I think if things were financially more stable you would see a healthier relationship. All this recognition for #followSA! All the support to makes so many things happen for me! All the love and new friends! Waking up in the arms of someone who just doesn't want to let me go ... none of that pays the bills.

For me, that's the biggest issue with all the self help out there. It tells you how to stay positive, but it doesn't tell you what to do when you ARE positive but reality is still like turning the Titanic around. Do I just keep going? Should I be doing something different? Do I give it up after coming all this way and go find a job? Does it really happen and all of a sudden there is this tipping point?

I'm not even asking for the answers. I'm just up really early on a Sunday morning, blogging my way through the fact that things are so?consumed?in my head, that I forgot to blog yesterday. No, that's an understatement. I forgot I even had a blog yesterday. The thought didn't even enter my mind.

I've had days when I've pushed it to very late or caught up in the morning. There have been times when I've completely run out of time or not have the energy to do it at all, but I've never forgotten!!
I've remembered at 10 minutes to midnight and quickly thrown something out there as the clock struck 12, but yesterday I didn't even put it off because in my world, for a moment in time, I had nothing to put off.

Mr Unexpected was a little surprised that blogging had to be done during morning cuddles time, but that's a good sign for me. The second I remembered I felt something missing. That's how it would be with anything I would have to give up or change if I forced myself to surrender to the money fears and do something different.

Yes, doing something different within the process, that I can change and do as much as I like ... but giving up anything, I mean ANYTHING, that I am doing to fill my days and build my career, well that's the easiest way to kill my spirit.

So today has started off a little rocky and very emotional. It's filled with fears and insecurities. I have plans all day and I don't want to go. I want to hide away with Mr Unexpected and I want him to tell me everything's going to to be Okay ...

But I'll be back tonight, blogging Project Body week 12 ... and what a proud week that has been!

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