I have this little obsession. Alright, I admit to having a few of them but that's for another blog. Today it's about the obsession with my stats and social networking followings. Some might think it's unhealthy but I think that it drives me to achieve more, write more and connect more. On the other hand, it has made me realise that I need to grow a thick skin ... and fast!
I've survived a shocking comment on NewsTime. I got back on the horse and wrote my next one.
I've survived telling someone about my talks at sexpo and been asked whether I have the ability to make such a boring topic (self help so you don't spend the rest of your life helping yourself) exciting. I ?got my talk outline off and can't wait to spend an entire month writing a 30 minute speech.
I've lost friends from the choices I've made and I've had men choose not to know because of other choices I've made. I've survived it all.
With the combination of surviving everything I am able to look at my stats and social networking followings with a little more detachment than I might have been able to do a few months ago.
Granted, I have chosen to splash my life for the world to see and have thrown a double whammy out there by teaching about the sex, but to watch the trends has made me realise that these blogs and simple tweets are just the first baby steps in facing the reactions of the world.
My skin seems to be growing a little thicker as I watch the reactions and following trends with every blog I post.
Before I post an Organic Orgasm blog I check my Twitter following. I then post it and wait a few hours to see how many followers I've lost ... it always varies from between 5 to 15 and when I did the condom one, well I lost a few more.
This morning was an expected sum of losses after I wrote about The last?temptation of Christ in yesterday's blog. I think it was a record close to 30.
It used to upset me how my followings?fluctuated. I would be mortified if a student didn't return to finish a course. I would be horrified at pretty much any negative feedback, but now I'm seeing that I've got some decent accessories to help me through.
Maybe I've always had a thicker skin than I realise, but with the right make-up, lots of lip gloss and my sparkling personality, I think I carry it off well. Best I do ... because it's getting thicker by the day.
I have stood up in front of groups of students for over 15 years and sat at the centre of attention in a room where I threw some pretty controversial stuff out there. I know my stuff and I love what I do ... but throwing myself into the public eye is very new for me and if it weren't for the consciousness and for 'project me', I might not be as ready to handle it as I feel I am.
Don't think I'm all tough and ready to take on the crowds. I'm scared ... ok, petrified. Sometimes I want to hide and other times I want to cry. Sometimes I think I was a total fool to have not stuck with my first secretarial job or married the first boy I kissed ... anything to avoid the steps I have consciously chosen to take.
I'll talk more sex and I'll blog more controversy. Some people with think I can't write and others with search to find additional faults. But I've got it covered ... with my thick skin, amazing people who believe in me, confidence and passion. Oh ... and not forgetting the sparkling personality and lip gloss!