This girl's on film - project me day 416

What fun things totally freak you out?
Is it just me or does anyone out there also hate the camera that's whipped out at parties?
Does anyone else have the?censorship rule with their friends about Facebook or Tweeted pics?
Who else avoids full body shots??

It's been long awaited and very much anticipated but one day I woke up and I was ready. I was ready to accept the offer of sponsorship by Irvin Sammons Photographie. I can't believe he's still been keen to photography me through the year as I ?get my body fit, firm and fabulous. I've been a total nightmare every time he's whipped the camera out and then turned into a bitch when I've seen the shots he's taken. Unbelievably ... I believe in him and he believes in me and so we decided that we can both make this work.

It might seem like a simple and odd sponsorship, but the camera is fast becoming one of the toughest relationships I've ever had to build with someone. "Look straight into the camera!" are words I used to literally hide from.

For those of you who haven't seen what I used to look like in the eye of the camera, I will be posting a pick when I launch the sponsorship. It wasn't pretty. Let me rephrase that ... I didn't think I was pretty.

Naturally the day was mixed with emotions of excitement, challenge and fear. Irvin was amazing to the build up but I can see that not many understand my love/hate relationship with the camera.

My poor mother gave up being a make-up artist years ago, yet she still does it for me at every important?occasion. She is brilliant at what she does and always helps make me feel that one extra bit pretty. Yesterday was no different and she could feel it. It would officially be one of the first times I was consciously having full body shots. I had already decided that, no matter what, I am putting full body shots on my blog when I launch the sponsorship.

Outfit upon outfit were tried on, removed, tried on again. Shuffling from one mirror to the next and learning in then taking a few steps out. If that was how the camera would see me then I would survive. After all, it is the first photo shoot and the whole point is to track my weight loss and shift in esteem as seen through the eyes of the lens.

I'm not the same girl I used to be and I'm not fishing for compliments either. I know my beauty and my sexy self. It's a simple chaos with me ... I can see my poor relationship with food through the lens. Every time I see a pic of me I promise myself a better eating life and then I fall off the rails at the sign of one ounce of fear or need to hide shame. But, something has changed lately. It's a combination of things, but the fact remains. I have gotten through some of the greatest family, friends, finance and fear issues over the last few weeks and not turned to food once. I felt amazing at my sister's wedding and it triggered a knowing that I CAN do this.

That's when I did it! That's when I made the call and?graciously accepted the sponsorship! That's when I put on my best, coloured up my cheeks, puckered up my lips, curled up my hair and headed to a pretty park to be?photographed!

Ironically, it was cloudy and rainy ... which only enhanced the beauty of the whole experience!