This is my rite of passage - project me day 136

18 May 2010

Even though I've got a dear friend who's helped me prep for this afternoon's tattoo and I'm more than a thousand percent sure that I want this beautiful piece of art that is symbolic and permanent ... I can't help but admit that yesterday was consumed with the distracting fears of the needle.

Text Guy thinks I'll chicken out just before and Mr Big was?surprisingly?impressed that I was following through. Little did he know that something he said was the final confirmation that I was born to have this tattoo. He told me that he doesn't believe in anything strong enough to have one, which is sad considering we used to speak for hours about the one he would get when he turned 40. That has come and gone and his intentions are long forgotten. None the less, I do believe in something strong enough.
I believe in my connection to the moon and I believe in my love, respect and bond that I have with the goddess. It's not something I ever really share, because when something is so naturally a part of you, you literally expect to unspoken to the world ... or not ... because it's really only for me. Having these symbols as such an?entrenched?part of my healing and my life journey is fitting considering I've watched myself blossom from a shy, insecure and overweight girl into a proud, bold and sexy woman.

This tattoo is my gift to myself in celebration of the very journey and as I shed a tear in recognition of just how symbolic it all is ... I force down a cup of tea and a slice of toast and wish everyone around me luck, because I'm really really nervous. On the other hand, today is one of the biggest 'project me' days, because this tattoo is about 15 years overdue!

If yesterday is anything to go by, I think Greggie will be half listened to, food will be half eaten and work will be half done.
I love Greggie to bits and am blessed with the most unbelievable friendship. He is my mirror, my confidante, my sounding board and my reality check ... but he is not my crutch (dammit)! ... so, even if I had to fall to little pieces, he would pick me up and cheer me on as I put myself back together ... then he would send me on my way to have my tattoo ... alone!
Many people have said it, but I think doing something like this is a rite of passage and it hasn't come at a more fitting time. A time when I have thrown myself into the world with no safety net and no map (which everyone keeps reminding me). Where I don't know the answers to the 'how's' of this journey, but I do know the 'why's'. Where there is no guarantee of anything except the moon will wax and wane ... and Goddess will always be in me, around me ... and as of today ... a symbol upon me!

10 comments on “This is my rite of passage - project me day 136”

  1. I was so terrified of getting my tattoo that my nerves were having a field day. I was shaking, I was nauseous (which is so not usual for me but still), and I felt faint which I rarely do and have never fainted. But once I got in the chair and he began, it was no where near as bad as I had thought. It's like getting stung by a bee, but once the needle is removed it stops. I sat through an entire 4 hours, two for outline and two for the color (two seperate times two weeks apart). According to my tattoo man, who had done thousands of tattoos at the time, said I was the only person he'd ever tattooed on the small of the back that sat through the entire thing without needing a break. I am a pansy when it comes to pain honestly and it wasn't bad at all. It's all about your pain threshold, which mine is very low and I want another one ;).

    Good luck my friend! I think the best tats are those that actually have a meaning. You will love it, I know!

    My recent post My MBC buddies!

    1. Nix ... I read this awesome comment while I was having my tattoo ... you always make me laugh at just the right moment. Thank you darlin' 😉

  2. I can feel how nervous you are jo, but I think it will be worth the pain and patience. A symbol of achievement and a symbol of life long identity. Proud of you my sweet friend!=/

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