Even though I've got a dear friend who's helped me prep for this afternoon's tattoo and I'm more than a thousand percent sure that I want this beautiful piece of art that is symbolic and permanent ... I can't help but admit that yesterday was consumed with the distracting fears of the needle.
Text Guy thinks I'll chicken out just before and Mr Big was?surprisingly?impressed that I was following through. Little did he know that something he said was the final confirmation that I was born to have this tattoo. He told me that he doesn't believe in anything strong enough to have one, which is sad considering we used to speak for hours about the one he would get when he turned 40. That has come and gone and his intentions are long forgotten. None the less, I do believe in something strong enough.
I believe in my connection to the moon and I believe in my love, respect and bond that I have with the goddess. It's not something I ever really share, because when something is so naturally a part of you, you literally expect to unspoken to the world ... or not ... because it's really only for me. Having these symbols as such an?entrenched?part of my healing and my life journey is fitting considering I've watched myself blossom from a shy, insecure and overweight girl into a proud, bold and sexy woman.
This tattoo is my gift to myself in celebration of the very journey and as I shed a tear in recognition of just how symbolic it all is ... I force down a cup of tea and a slice of toast and wish everyone around me luck, because I'm really really nervous. On the other hand, today is one of the biggest 'project me' days, because this tattoo is about 15 years overdue!
If yesterday is anything to go by, I think Greggie will be half listened to, food will be half eaten and work will be half done.
I love Greggie to bits and am blessed with the most unbelievable friendship. He is my mirror, my confidante, my sounding board and my reality check ... but he is not my crutch (dammit)! ... so, even if I had to fall to little pieces, he would pick me up and cheer me on as I put myself back together ... then he would send me on my way to have my tattoo ... alone!
Many people have said it, but I think doing something like this is a rite of passage and it hasn't come at a more fitting time. A time when I have thrown myself into the world with no safety net and no map (which everyone keeps reminding me). Where I don't know the answers to the 'how's' of this journey, but I do know the 'why's'. Where there is no guarantee of anything except the moon will wax and wane ... and Goddess will always be in me, around me ... and as of today ... a symbol upon me!