This soul thing is working - project me day 199

19 July 2010

Firstly, my Greggie is sick and my natural mothering instincts are to molly coddle him and make sure that he does all the things within the collective to make sure he gets better. That would just be totally dumb considering we both know that he didn't 'catch' flu and that manifested if from whatever is going on in that gorgeous physical body of his. So there's no stopping him from doing anything he doesn't want to do and the battle was won at about lunch time when I left him in capable hands of a dear friend and toddled on home.

No wait ... something happened before that ... after I don't know how many years I did a little healing. I packed the mother archetype away and whipped out the healer that gave him a lymph drainage on the sinuses and some reiki. I'm not quite sure what triggered off my attack .. but I literally had a day filled with sneezing fits. I looked like sneezy the dwarf with my little red nose, yet I still managed to tap into the long shelved healer and it actually felt good. That's where soul stepped in and reminded me that I don't have to do something that I'm good at if I don't enjoy it. It's not that I don't enjoy the healing, but I'm actually too active to do it. I'm a motormouth for goodness sake ... can you image how trying it is it keep quite for an hour?

Okay, so maybe I'm a little hasty in my thinking that I don't have impact on people and today I had to swallow my pity party that I spewed out to Greggie and then onto the blog when the guy I was chatting to from the online dating site ... the one that I thought had ignored me mail actually got hold of me. Well, in a new and awakened relationship with my soul I did something totally spontaneous. He sent me his number and I used it. Hmmm ... he was impressed with the confidence and wanted to meet tonight.
Yep ... I'm freshly back from a date.
Soul had fun in the build up and loved having an issue free experience. It's the first time I can think of that I've been totally?comfortable?with me, had no expectation and totally been in the moment with needing an outcome. It also made me realise that asking what my soul is craving has given me the gift of knowing that I'm prepared to wait for one who is not just using me to a fill a void.

He's fun and sweet. He's also a little nerdy in his dress sense. He talks more than me, which is a total crisis. Well that's not the problem. It's the talking without listening in return. I felt unheard and I've done that before.Yet, the times that has happened and the person has shown interest I have overlooked it for obvious fears. My soul kept on reminding that there are an abundance of people out there ... some of the will be for me and others won't. But loneliness need not be a fear so I can just go ahead and tell myself the truth.
Although I had fun, a good laugh and was totally comfortable, I didn't feel it. What? I don't know ... that thing that soul is waiting to feel.
Ego felt lots of things. It's crazy because I had the same experience when I met Mr Big. I remember having all these soul moments but then ego would just shout them down because I had a whole lot of fears about not finding anyone else and missing out on experiences.
Considering the fact that it's been a while ... since ... you know! I should be so not picky at all. I felt ego staring and making it all sexually attractive. Gorgeous eyes! Cute smile! I've been asking what my soul is craving for just over a week and half now and I'm already beginning to feel how I don't need to make it so conscious. So I didn't have much of fight to put up to realise that knowing trumps horny. So that's done ... had fun ... who's next? 😉

I keep on forgetting to mention that I am going to have my eyes tattooed next Wednesday. My sister had it done and so did Baba and I'm tired of walking around with black smudgy make up. I don't know if it's just everyone, but when I look at some pics of me all I see is smudge. It's eeewww ...
I've decided that if I survived the pain of the tattoo and get through laser on my bikini once every six weeks then I will surely survive tattooing permanent make-up on my eyes. Yay ... so excited that I have that to look forward to. I'm sure that's a soul craving for sure!

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