There seem to be way more than 10 things on my mind all at one time, most of the day. It's happening directly in the midst of learning to silence the mind and 'be' more than 'do'. It's like telling a kid not to put their hand in the sweet jar and now that I've opened myself up to NOT thinking so much ... I seem to be thinking non stop!
Some thoughts are valid and I can do ... oh dear, I'm supposed to be 'being' and not 'doing', so instead, I'm just going to let it all spew t! The noisiest thoughts occupying my mind:
I'm 6 days away from 40:
Not so yay!!
The saw between being thrilled at the possibilities that are supposed to come about at this great turn of age are tossed upside down by reminding myself that I'm going to be the spinster 40 year old, with 3 cats, living with my mom! Then again, I marvel at all I have achieved in my career and my life and I'm only 40! 40 ... hell that's old, when I look at the youth all around me! 40 ... not so bad! 40 ... feels so bad!!! *screams in frustration and changes thought*
I've formed a great relationship and money is here to stay!!
Money is never here to stay, so brace yourself for not having it again!!
Enjoy it while it's here?
Don't save too much?
Don't spend too much?
I have really learned that money is like any other relationship I should be nurturing, but relationships in general are scary for me. Yet I'm saving and spending and budgeting and ... oi, let's focus on another relationship
That other relationship:
It's fine that I don't have THAT special relationship!
It's not fine that I don't have THAT special relationship!
He's out there somewhere and the timing is waiting to be right!
He's not out there ...
I like a guy and for the life of me I can't figure out how he feels. We chat ... and chat ... and chat ... and ... that's all!!
Then I swear not to chat to him again ... until he get in touch and ... BOYS!!!
Okay, let's think about work then:
The business is growing so well!
The business is growing too fast!!
I've been waiting for this influx of clients and opportunities!!
Eeeeeek, I'm not ready for this ...
Our business is at a place that Greggie and I dreamed of and the ability to stick through as an entrepreneur and reap the rewards is insanely exciting. I have a temp assistant and am already been called upon to consider more assistance. That ... makes a hell of a noise in the head of a budding entrepreneur!!
okay then, I really don't want to think about that! So I get excited for 40 for a fleeting moment, then feel like the spinster, who so doesn't want to think about that, so I check my phone to see if he's messaged. He hasn't, so I feel like the spinster for all eternity, but that's okay because I can financially take care of myself ... or can I? Okay best I think about my business to make sure that I can take care of myself ... at 40!!!
Oh shit .. the house I'm renting has been sold.
With mom or not?
Luckily the noises in the house distract me!!!
The noises of my mom's fiance and her potting around. Yes, mom's got the guy and I thought I would be taking care of her and not the other way around.
They want me stay and live with them because they plan to travel a lot!
I'm thinking it's a good time to move one ...
With the cats? Without the cats?
With the parrot? Without the parrot?
I want to cry!!
Don't cry ...
So I decide to stop the thoughts and focus on work! Yes, let's work ...
Am I saving enough to retire? Will I retire alone? Will I be doing what I love until I retire or will I have to ...
Friends ... I'm so lucky!
Friends ... they are so disappointing!!!
Why hasn't he messaged back? Maybe I said something to offend him? Maybe he's got a girlfriend ... or a wife!!!!
This mayhem calls for ice cream!!
I am still not eating healthy enough!!
SHUT UP HEAD!!!
JUST BE ...
How does one be?
What does it take to just be?
Is there a book i can read?
Is there a class I can attend?
Do I have money for the class or should I be saving instead?
*hums a happy tune out loud*