Untitled by choice - project me day 855

10 June 2012
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I sat in a church then other day and wondered whether certain things in my life weren't going right because I had chosen an alternative path of belief. That's how far I have stretched my self worth and esteem over the last few weeks.

Of course, what is life without extreme highs and lows to stare us in the face and test our belief system when the cracks of daily living tear at our foundation. Yes, it's been that desperate and?exciting within hours of each other.

I'm grateful for the sporadic blogging and see the flaws in forcing myself to stare at my life on a daily basis, in comparison to being in the moment and then taking time to reflect. I think I would have told myself some far stretched truths in my desperate state that has made up the last while.

It's a freezing day!

How easy to distract myself with the weather, when all I want to think about is reaching an incredible milestone and then tripping into a dip of reality. I miss teaching so much! That's a huge realisation. I miss saying things like, "this moment is your truth but it does not have to be your reality." I miss the expression on people's faces before I go on and explain how telling the truth of the moment your find yourself in is a vital step before looking at the changes that need to be made to create the reality you want.

My head is so filled with moments, that I contemplated taking out a calendar and sharing bits of my days in sequence, but it's not about the days. It's about the rolling down the hills in giggling joy of my own creation, then slogging up again in?despair of what I still long to achieve.

I guess I should begin at the root of the issue! A rehashing of my very old vision board and a cleaning out of my dreams and desires. I thought of starting again, but so much of what I want to achieve is still stuck on that crumpled piece of cardboard. Instead, I cut around the pictures that still resemble my dreams and let the outdated ones go.
The last time I did a vision board, my life turned upside down and I ended up letting go of things I never would have dreamed. My first business and my oldest friend being the two tough ones to realise were outdated in my life. And as I work my way through my new dreams I've had to face how a 20 year friendship can no longer serve me and said goodbye to someone I thought would never leave my side.

While still wiping away fresh tears, I received a phone call that turned one of my visions into a reality in an instant.?Literally, there was not time to even acknowledge that I had affirmed my desire to appear on SA's top talk how, Three Talk, for countless years. The lengths that I have gone to try and get my spot on the show and the friends I have wished well when they told me that had been called for an interview have been countless. I don't have to say that if I can manifest that then I can manifest anything. I know I can create whatever I want in my life, I just don't know why it's taking so freakin' long.

If I lived on recognition, respect and invitations I would be beyond rich. Actually, I am beyond rich, but those cliche self help affirmations aren't helping me right now.

Something different has to happen ... and soon!

I'll be blogging tomorrow, because today you heard some of the madness, but there is light and conclusion ... someone inside of me!

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