To say I've had a roller coaster ride of emotion on a personal and career front over the last week is truly an understatement. It's been the highs of yet another fantastic radio into to the lows of receiving the email that said my services weren't needed again. The burst of confidence that got me making a call and having a meeting I thought I would only be making 3 years from now, to having serve communication breakdowns with Greggie that left me feeling as though I didn't have what it takes to make dreams come true. I went from being so excited about meetings and opportunities to fighting with myself to climb out of bed and do anything?constructive.
I had plans of?hibernating ... not the entire weekend, but certainly a better part of it.
New relationships call for new events and meeting the family is always a big one. Mr Unexpected got exposed to my family at my brother's birthday, so it was all smiles and no kicking and screaming to spend the day with his sister and her family. Besides feeling just not myself, it felt so very couple like and the Libran in me revels in these moments.
Never count on a man (or is it just my man?) to know all the details of the event we are attending. Him, with his photography gear in hand, and me with the expectation of 5 horsies trotting around a field with little?amateurs on their backs.??He forgot the minor details, like it was the inter-school championships, his little nephew was being awarded his national colours and I was about to watch a little guy teach me more?valuable?lessons than most gurus, self help books and masters have managed.
I've read so much self help in my life I had to promise myself to JUST STOP! That's one of the main reasons I started 'project me'. I had to learn these lessons for myself and not believe anyone said, including anyone who was a guru ... self proclaimed and labelled. The journey has been a tough one because whenever I mention what I do or what my life purpose it, the first question I'm asked is "Have you read this person's book?" Chances are ... the answer is no!
I never manage to truly settle my confidence and even though I was truly brave during my Radio Metro FM interview with Carol?Ralefeta, where I spoke about 'project me' and gave my women's day message, I still had moments of worrying that the world would punish me. I'm out there saying that our understanding of affirmations,?visualisations?and even mediation have been skewed by the?interpretation (or?explanation) of these things that I don't believe can every be taught.
Yes, thought becomes form, but sometimes the process of creating that thought in the hope that it creates form, if far too mechanical and our birth right of creating our realities flies out the window. But then a little boy gets onto a big horse and reminds me just how important me my work is. He reminds me why I do what I do and why the call I made to Helen Holyoake of Helco Promotions wasn't 3 years too early.
Today was my first experience of being in the horse world and besides treading carefully to step over a whole lot of horsie poop, I had the most amazing time. I didn't know how the scoring worked, or what I was looking for, but I watched Mr Unexpected's nephew and I knew something was different. Only once I was chatting with his mom and I learned that most rider's have someone else school their horses into doing the dressage routine and they just do the final stages of practicing a few times with the horse. Yet, here was a 12 year old boy who took a horse and taught her how to do the routine himself. Yes, he got thrown from that horse and practiced for hours on end, but he did something that no self help book or guru can ever teach. He did it his way!!
That's all I even want to teach the world.
I'm faced with it all the time in the social media world. Blogs about how to Tweet or behave online. Guru's in social media that have hardly any followers. People asking me if I went to this seminar or that talk and most of the time I stutter when it's time to say ... NO! No, I haven't and no I don't intend to. Of course I panic about what someone else might be able to teach me or what I'm missing by not attending a talk by a self proclaimed guru ... but then a 12 year old does it his way when there's a much easier route ... and he sets me free to realise I'm on the right track.
I have known Helen from Helco Promotions for a while and I have wanted to chat to her for ages. Every time I thought about talking to her about doing the 'project me' book, I have told myself that it's years down the line. I've thought about the oceans of books and convinced myself that no one would publish it or that it would get lost in the sea of books if I self published. But then a 12 year old boy gets on a self-schooled horse and competes against 65 children, where most of those kids will have had someone else school their horse for them ... and he reminds me ...
'Project me' has been just that ... self schooling! 'Project me' will be just that ... self schooling!' I don't have the ability to tell a person what to do or do anything for them to make their lives a happy. I can only tell them that they can do it ... and tell them my story to guide them along the way.
I watched a little boy take a formula and make it his own ... I watched the very essence of what I was born to teach win his first little gold medal today and I realised that the only thing he wanted to do was keep having ?fun ... not proclaim himself a guru!
So that's it ... doubting myself for not reading or following in someone else's footsteps in way over ... it's self schooling time and it's starting with the first page of the first chapter of 'How to live your Project Me story' (or something like that ...