It's halfway through Monday morning and I'm all done with my weekly meeting and trying to remember the one thing that I knew I had to do before my day got underway.
I ran through my to do list a few times and checked my phone ... because I didn't have the best night's sleep so I kept putting to do notes into the mobile between the hours of midnight and 4am. Nope ... all of those things were on the list of things to do today.
What the hell was I forgetting?
I decided that it would come to me and made yet another cup of tea and get down to writing ... which I can feel my soul is craving after all the world cup distractions ... and a few other distractions too 😉
What shall ?I write? Well, I have a monthly newsletter to do and I have to write something about my take on the life coach ... let's do that. Then out of the blue I go ... holy shit (I'm allowed to say holy shit, right) ... I have to blog.
It's like I had never done it before. Like it never featured in my life and like there was nothing routine about waking up in the morning, getting to work and settling down to blog before anything else. It was so far from my mind that opening up a blank page to write on felt just as foreign and I couldn't quite remember the purpose of my daily ramblings.
What is the purpose of my daily rambling?
That's right ... to make me conscious! Well that's a fine thing considering I'm having a totally unconscious day. Seriously, one of those where much of who I am is a blur. It's also because I'm being totally collective and don't want to speak too soon for fear of jinxing things. Yep ... superstitions, as irrational as they are, seem to creep in when least expected.
But here goes the speaking too soon anyway.
I didn't sleep a wink last night because I'm in a total state about my relating stuff. No .. not any relating ... boy relating! You know ... like relationship stuff. Like a boy likes me and I like him stuff!
I consume myself on dating sites and have been totally comfortable with programing myself to believe that it takes a bit of effort to meet someone. Yet ... I have always admitted that I'm a hopeless romantic who gets my romantic fix from Hollywood movies and tries to convince the child in me that it only happens in the movies.
Then ... when I manifest an unexpected meeting of a stranger and a beautiful connection with another soul ... I like totally freak out!
So, I spent half the night telling my brain to shut up and then the other half watching the very chaos that my brain has created. All the while I know that I am totally in the moment and am having the fun ... well a part of me knows that ... my brain is just freaking out!
So ... to say the least ... I'm exhausted! The first cup of coffee I made Greggie today had no sugar and the second had no milk! I forgot that I am a blogger and keep looking at my nails and thinking now would be the perfect time for a manicure.
Anything new is scary and this is very new to me. Uncomplicated is very new to me. Direct truth and upfront feelings is foreign to me. A man who knows what he wants and shows it with care and determination is super foreign to me. Not having any doubt ... now that's so foreign that my brain has started rehashing every event and creating totally unrealistic doubt.
I mean ... you don't just sit next to a stranger at a soccer game and feel like you've known them forever ...