Years ago I would have an asthma attack every time I got scared or stressed out. You can't being to imagine how many attacks that used to be. After losing a fortune of weight and calming my life down to a mild panic, I managed to get the asthma under control and haven't used a pump in years. All is not perfect though, because I still wake up coughing and don't seem to be able to shake the cough if I'm very stressed or scared. Right now ... I'm scared, to say the least.
Bearing that in mind, I spent the whole of last night coughing and had an interestingly restless night. I woke up having hurt my back from the pressure coughs make the back endure and I felt like I just didn't want to get up and face the New Year.
Luckily for me I have my friendly voices that shout in my head and don't let me get away with much. Most people have negative voices that hold them back but for some reason I chose to have ?these damn positive ones that push and shove me forward. This morning was a?particularly?forceful conversation where I was basically told to get over myself and my need to visualise and meditate every time things get stressful. Not that I'm exempt from meditating but 'project me' has given me the same gift that daily meditating does. I have the consciousness and the time to myself, even though it's not in the conventional way.
Instead, I got told to catch a wake up and stop having two me's. There's the me in the now and the me that I imagine myself to be in the future. The future Jodene is bold and gutsy and has a much more forceful, driven and determined nature. The me now kinda relies on others for support and thinks I still have to wait to have a few thousand more followers or be published or be more of a public figure to let my personality shine. So yes, the Gods (and a certain dragon) crapped all over me and asked me: "What would Jodene do?" ... not the naffy one lying in bed, but the one I visualise and know I am at the depths of my being.
So I climbed out of bed and got dressed as though I had an empire to run. Interesting that as I have decided to attempt this new game of living the 'real' Jodene, that I get a phone call where I am threatened by an old business associate (years back) who wants to sue me. Never mind the fact that his car actually belongs to me and I did him a favour by allowing him to keep it in MY name while he sorted out his life. Now he threatens me ... well, he's a wimp, so his girlfriend called in the threat. I don't know how the old me would have handled it, but Jodene said: "Bring it one chick!"
I was confronted with a few moments like that today. One of which was a difficult because yesterday Greggie was as pissed off with me as the Gods were with me this morning. Good heavens, I'm getting it from all sides today. Lucky for me, Jodene, arrived today and I was able to admit that he was entitled to be upset when he saw my low esteem emerge amongst my friends. Truth be told ... I was so aware of it that I even blogged about it yesterday. Kudos to me!
So I handled the honest conversation with much more confidence and looked at the growth potential of 'project me' with a huge amount of confident. Oh, I also was brave enough to play around on the blog until I finally worked out how to put a signature at the bottom of the blog. Do you see it? I did that all by myself ... woo hoo!!
I did have one major wobbly when we compared stats to another SA blogger and I'm thousands and thousands of visitors behind him. But Jodene stepped in and instead of falling apart I did what I can see myself do from now until the end of time ... I decided to make a plan because I know I can. Some how, I will have those advertisers, increase the readership and live the dream. Oh look, it's started already!
Yet, after waking up with such a jolt to reality about my personality I decided that Jodene wouldn't be a pretty blonde (which I have been for about 4 years now) ... she would be a feisty brunette with a swirl of red or maroon ... let's see what Jodene feels tomorrow. Thanks to Greg and his brilliant blog entitled show them what you're worth, I watched the Katy Perry music video for Fireworks and there it was ... my hair colour. Thanks Katy, you totally rock! Yep, us chick totally have what it takes 😉