Once again, I'm always thrilled about the truth of my fears that I speak so that when these things actually occur I'm not saying that I promised I thought that or wished I had mentioned something else. We all have our own pattern of sabotage and for some reason I decided to make my journey a very physical and painful one.
One week into gym, one week into a gorgeous relationship, doing things in my career that I only dreamed of and having lost weight within the first 7 days of getting my act together. How does my body react?
I'm not going to go into the crazy thoughts of my mind to try and figure out why, but I am going to tell you that in conjunction with what I'm telling you, I'm adding some alternative healing to my 'project body' regime.
I have to because what I'm about to tell you is gross, painful and of course ... a little?embarrassing. Yes, you know me! That's why I have to tell you ... because carrying shame is the one that kicks addiction back in and I'm not in any mood for that.
It all started as a very painful moment on the loo. One that I thought would just pass if I did a home remedy or two for a very swollen back end. I was relieved that Mr Unexpected didn't spend his week nights here and did my best to hide the absolute agony I was in. Of course, Greggie saw it all over my face and thank heavens for the friendship we have ... I can tell him anything. The girlie bits weren't feeling so great either but I still pushed on and even dragged myself to gym the following morning.
It eventually got so bad that I had to tell my mom too because I needed to reduce some crazy fears that were going on in my head and by the time I phoned Hustler Girl (in an absolute state) with horrid sores all the way down there ... I knew it was doctor time.
Believe it or not, I suffered through the whole exciting evening of Social Media Day and even loved how much better my body is looking while my special man took full length body shots of me and reflected how well I am already doing. That aside ... I was in agony that night and faked my whole way through. The excitement and magic of the evening dulled some of the discomfort, pain and?embarrassment?but that was it ... Mr Unexpected was sleeping at me that night.
I teach this stuff, so I have to live it. I had to tell him what was wrong and it was so amazing to feel safe and supported.
So it goes like this. It seems I have shingles down there ... OMG ... if there is any way to describe the pain then please feel free, because it's beyond words for me. I was thinking today that when you have one pain you always say it is far worse than another pain you once thought you would never survive. Seriously ... this is worse ... no, seriously.
So it's no gym for me next week and of course that throws me in a state, but project body is about building a relationship with my body, so there is no time to get angry at me. I'm super proud of myself for remaining healthy through these horrid days and I'm so touched that my man has cooked me every meal I have needed to eat.
I didn't stand on the scale and I haven't drunk the water I am supposed to, but tea has been comforting me and well ... peeing has been so ouch that I've kinda been dodging the gallons. It might not be the best thing, but it's the one that keeping me from going totally insane right now.
Not the post you expected I bet, and not the post I ever expected to share. I contemplated this for days and was going to tell a half baked story to just get by ... but that's not 'project me' and it's not what you would expect either. Thank you for being you so that I can be me ... no matter how sore or potentially?embarrassing it is!
It is not about the event but how you react to it. I have seen such a change in how you have handled this - well done my friend! Our body sometimes reacts with disease and it is then, above all, that we should relate with it, comfort it and empathise with it.
My recent post A church, the sea and a deserted groom
You have been such an unbelievable support through this whole process and thank you for being so open that I can tell you anything ... you are always my first step to breaking the pattern of shame and embracing the grossness or stress I put myself under! Love you my friend!
Poor Jo! I hope this clears up soon so you can get back to everything.
BTW I didn't get the chance to say that you look amazing in all the photos from the event, so I am now ;).
My recent post That's it, I'm done
It's slowly getting better, thanks my friend! Yikes ... it has not been fun!
Thanks for the compliment my friend ... I need it now that gym is on hold and it's all feeling so gross!! I will look out for you for a long chat over the next few days! big love ...