I got caught in a trap. I listened to the forecasts of where the online world is heading and how much information we can absorb. I grappled with the future of blogs and swamped my time with being a business owner and a procrastinating adult. I obsessed myself with the appearance of my blog and became a tired writer and lost storyteller. Yet, there's a defining moment when you know you are ready to find yourself, and here I am.
At the same time, I knocked myself down yet again and couldn't bear to tell another Project Me story of failed love, weight loss or family sagas, so I quietly slipped into the shadows and let my words dwindle into silence.
Meanwhile, another part of me wasn't prepared to let go so easily and I churned out a book in just over three months. That's no small feat and something I'm very proud of. The book, The Holistic Entrepreneur, is in it's final stages of edit and should go to print in the next few months. In a nutshell, it's how to first focus on yourself before you focus on financial wealth, with stories and guidelines to help you where self help couldn't.
Yet, I feel like a lost soul, rediscovering a passion I know I once had. Over the next few weeks, I'll be telling my story as reflections of the month's past, but for today I'm welcoming myself back to blogging. The timing isn't coincidental. Nothing in life ever is. I'm in the midst of overcoming fears and dealing the past, that the only thing I have to rely on is reconnecting to my Self. Nearly sixty days ago, I committed to attempting to quit sugar for just thirty days and that decision has been life changing. One of the things I have had to deal with is the detox process of sugar completely leaving my body. The cravings weren't the problem. The anxiety was. Maybe not everyone goes through an emotional trauma when sugar completely leaves their body, but I did. My weeks have been filled with panic attacks and irrational fears, where I would turn to eating 100% of the time in the past. Knowing I have come too far and feeling physically happier, I've made my journey with food so conscious, that it's sparked my wanting to share my Project Me story once again.
The downside of anxiety is how it holds us back from the potential and possibility, so I've literally been too frozen with an array of emotions to be able to bring myself to write. Luckily, I'm not one to roll over and my shadow self get the better of me, so just like I did with my commitment of only thirty days to quit sugar, I'm committing again.
I'm committing to me through thirty days of meditation, exercise and writing, because life has a few defining moments and this seems to be one of them. All I have managed to truly decide is that I'm trusting the timing because when you know you are ready to find yourself, you are usual amidst a pile of chaos. That's me right now!
Although this feels like the sketchiest post I have ever written and I could hardly focus through my morning meditation, followed by not making my full exercise regime, I'm committing ... to me!
If you're still out there, I thank you! If not, for the first time in ages I don't mind, because I feel like I'm doing this for me.